it's been a long time since i wrote a poem. years...
-----
encore of death
journey of my life
i see it straight ahead
dark
it's like a neverending stage
the audience
they watch
never cheer
never applaude
when disaster strikes
that's when they love it
thats when they ask for an encore
but when i die
encore no more
Thursday, May 31, 2007
there is no joy in this world
japayuki slut-- aka joy is no longer my friend. she can't understand me. she can't apologize for making a joke out of a very sensitive subject. it's not a joke. i will never use my mom or the building to get more money. she laughed at the subject, worst of all, she's not going to apologize for it. i don't care if she isn't going to apologize about the other subject, but please not about something she knows that's so sensitive. it's not a joke. it's not a joke. i guess i know who my friends are.
why am i such a bad judge of character? people pretend to be my friend, use me, take advantage of me. later they leave me and say that it's all my fault. maybe i am alone in this world. not now, mom's dead yet. i don't want her to die at all. that's the time that i will be all alone then. i don't care about myself when it comes to my mom. i always put my mom ahead of me and the company that she built for us.
is there one true friend out there? heck i can rant in this blog all i want. i know that no ones reading it. if someone is though-- these words are just a glimps into my life now. living it or standing next to me is truly a tough battle. it's a whirlwind of events.
why am i such a bad judge of character? people pretend to be my friend, use me, take advantage of me. later they leave me and say that it's all my fault. maybe i am alone in this world. not now, mom's dead yet. i don't want her to die at all. that's the time that i will be all alone then. i don't care about myself when it comes to my mom. i always put my mom ahead of me and the company that she built for us.
is there one true friend out there? heck i can rant in this blog all i want. i know that no ones reading it. if someone is though-- these words are just a glimps into my life now. living it or standing next to me is truly a tough battle. it's a whirlwind of events.
japayuki slut
ok, the friend that i was reffering to in the previous post, i have finally decided to call the a japayuki slut. why call her that? coz she is one, or rather she was one. yup, she, a filipina went to japan a few years back to make easy money. so, japayuki is the only thing that adds up to mind. wait-- she still is one coz her boyfriend is japanese, and she addicted to sex. so once again, it adds up again.
this is in no relation to what happened last night, it's a much bigger problem. i called her coz i needed something from her. she thinks that it was all a joke. it really wasn't a joke. well, to make the long story short. been sensitive this past few days. my mom nearly died twice this weekend, and whatever else more came up. god, she thought i was joking. i shouted at the bitch, and she was like i'm not like others and i'm not your yaya, don't shout at me. who the fuck does she think she is???!!! she's lower than me that's for sure, japayuki slut. how dare she! that's the problem here in the philippines, people who are low class are too full of themselves and dare stammer are people who are way better off than them. what the fuck's that? where is the r-e-s-p-e-c-t when it should be there? i don't give a rats ass if she's a few years older than me. i shouted at her coz i was panicking with a bigger problem. i tend to be like that, shouting and even throwing left and right when i'm pissed off. then she shouted back at me. bitch!!! before, she'd always say to calm down. now she's the fucking complete opposite. she knows i'm like that. some friend! guess what??? we probably aren't friends anymore.
she kinda reminds me of my ex best friend. she is japanese though-- half filipina-japanese. japayuki slut was a try hard jap. other than that, they're the same. leaving me over something so small. i thought that they both knew me. i found out how shallow they were. wait... even my boyfriend doesn't know who i am. i don't get it, i'm so black and white, and transparent, it's so easy to get me. i'm not plastic nor shallow. i'm true to myself. does anyone get me? no one does, except my mother. i love her so...
-----
prayers for my wawa
i love you
please don't leave me
for sure,
i'll be all alone
this is in no relation to what happened last night, it's a much bigger problem. i called her coz i needed something from her. she thinks that it was all a joke. it really wasn't a joke. well, to make the long story short. been sensitive this past few days. my mom nearly died twice this weekend, and whatever else more came up. god, she thought i was joking. i shouted at the bitch, and she was like i'm not like others and i'm not your yaya, don't shout at me. who the fuck does she think she is???!!! she's lower than me that's for sure, japayuki slut. how dare she! that's the problem here in the philippines, people who are low class are too full of themselves and dare stammer are people who are way better off than them. what the fuck's that? where is the r-e-s-p-e-c-t when it should be there? i don't give a rats ass if she's a few years older than me. i shouted at her coz i was panicking with a bigger problem. i tend to be like that, shouting and even throwing left and right when i'm pissed off. then she shouted back at me. bitch!!! before, she'd always say to calm down. now she's the fucking complete opposite. she knows i'm like that. some friend! guess what??? we probably aren't friends anymore.
she kinda reminds me of my ex best friend. she is japanese though-- half filipina-japanese. japayuki slut was a try hard jap. other than that, they're the same. leaving me over something so small. i thought that they both knew me. i found out how shallow they were. wait... even my boyfriend doesn't know who i am. i don't get it, i'm so black and white, and transparent, it's so easy to get me. i'm not plastic nor shallow. i'm true to myself. does anyone get me? no one does, except my mother. i love her so...
-----
prayers for my wawa
i love you
please don't leave me
for sure,
i'll be all alone
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
first post-- again
once again, for the first time (i hope that makes sense), i have posted my first post in how many blogs??? hopefully, i intend to keep this one acutually up and running. there i go... again. i also said that way before-- god knows how back then it was.
well, in this life so called life of mine, people are all the same. they say they love me, and then they leave me. what kind of friends are those right? anyways, their fault and loss. as far as i know, i haven't done anything wrong. very few people in this world know who i really am. top of the list of course is my mom. i thank god for her. after her though, i'm not sure. it's a really hard call. if people don't leave me, they end up betraying me-- back stabbing me or hurting me really bad in so many ways. personally i would rather have people leave me than betray me.
last night, or rather very early in the morning, 2ish maybe, a very good friend of mine and i got into a fight. i thought she understood me. apparently not. if i never hear from her again, i wouldn't be surprised. just like i said, people are all the same. if she leaves me like my best friend did a while back (12 years down the drain), then her loss. it's not me with the problem. i admit to my mistakes. and this one isn't one of them-- no apologies from me.
-----
prayers for my mom
god, please don't take her away from me...
i'm not ready yet.
you gave me to her almost 25 years ago,
don't take her away from me.
well, in this life so called life of mine, people are all the same. they say they love me, and then they leave me. what kind of friends are those right? anyways, their fault and loss. as far as i know, i haven't done anything wrong. very few people in this world know who i really am. top of the list of course is my mom. i thank god for her. after her though, i'm not sure. it's a really hard call. if people don't leave me, they end up betraying me-- back stabbing me or hurting me really bad in so many ways. personally i would rather have people leave me than betray me.
last night, or rather very early in the morning, 2ish maybe, a very good friend of mine and i got into a fight. i thought she understood me. apparently not. if i never hear from her again, i wouldn't be surprised. just like i said, people are all the same. if she leaves me like my best friend did a while back (12 years down the drain), then her loss. it's not me with the problem. i admit to my mistakes. and this one isn't one of them-- no apologies from me.
-----
prayers for my mom
god, please don't take her away from me...
i'm not ready yet.
you gave me to her almost 25 years ago,
don't take her away from me.
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